...And all I got was his family's beans on toast recipe

Originally posted 21 August 25 - updated periodically with new beans

I had a brief infatuation with a man from The North™ and over the course of it, he gifted me his father's beans on toast recipe. The infatuation ended but his impact on my life carries on in the form of glorious comfort food, and I have decided to drown my grief in tomato sauce and Rate Some Beans about it (I suspect it's what he would have wanted).

I hear you asking yourself: recipe? for beans on toast?

And look, it's a fair question. You certainly could just slop the beans onto some bread and call it good (it is good) but let me open your eyes to the glory of what things can be.

look at this. look at this and weep with joy.

The Recipe

Toast

Butter

Peanut butter

Beans

Cheese

Mayo

Fried Egg

It's a masterpiece. A work of genius. Pure unadulterated perfection.

This is a filling meal- the kind of meal that you either need to either take a nap or go plow a field after - but it's somehow also not particularly heavy. A single slice of toast with all the fixings leaves me feeling energized and ready to face the day. Some days, it'll even get me through to dinner (including a Morris practice, if you throw the egg on it). It's really something else.

Putting it together

The Toast: Use whatever you want, but butter it. I'm into whole wheat, but I'm sure it's perfect with literally any sliced bread. Toast it a little on the dark side so it doesn't get soggy under the weight of all of the gold that you're about to pile on.

The Butter: I decadently splurge on Kerrygold for my butter dish because I need a little joy in this bleak world, but however you spread it, I'd recommend not skipping the butter.

The Peanut Butter: I'm not a huge peanut butter person on the whole, but it really makes this whole dish. Probably some fresh ground something would be incredible. I honestly prefer crunchy peanut butter on most things, but I already splurge on butter, so I am waiting until the Ancient Great Value Creamy in our cabinet is at last dethroned to replace it. I go for a fairly modest layer most days, but put on as much as you want, I'm not your mother.

The Cheese: Red Leicester if you can get it. Trader Joe's sometimes has this one, which you should buy anyway. When I can't find it (or can't be bothered), though, I just grab a block of medium-to-sharp cheddar and call it a day.

The Mayo: I know I've already long since lost all but the heartiest of the Americans, and if you're still here, this will probably be the thing that sends you hurtling into the abyss, but for real, just a few little splotches on top of the cheese is everything. I don't know why we're so weird about mayo in the States. Just trust me on this one, lean in.

The Egg: Genuinely, this is optional - I probably only do the egg about half the time, appetite and pending exertion depending - but I will say that this recipe is only ever approaching perfection without it. Fry it soft - I'm an over-easy girlie - so the yolk soaks into everything. Absolute bliss.

optional?

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And now: The Beans

As I've become Lost in the Sauce, let me be your guide to baked beans. I will update this as I try different beans. Toss your suggestions into the comments. Keep in mind that I'm based in Denver. I believe you that Batchelors is probably the way to go, but you'll have to ship me a can.

The Reigning Champion (as of August 2025):

Kroger Original Baked Beans Seasoned with Brown Sugar and Bacon

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I love these beans. The flavor is great, the texture is great, the sauce-to-bean ratio is great. These are just great beans.

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The Rest

Great Value Pork and Beans in Tomato Sauce

⭐

My loving friend and roommate was headed to the store and asked if I needed anything, and I was out of beans. She asked what kind I preferred, and I said to just grab whatever. It provided a good opportunity to give the Great Value Pork and Beans a try, and they were fine. Inoffensive, not very flavorful, texture was ok.

The main reason these only get 1 star is that they are somehow inexplicably always cold. Zero heat retention. It's almost miraculous. Someone should study it in a lab.

Kroger Brown Sugar and Hickory Baked Beans in Sweet Hickory Sauce with Brown Sugar and Spices

⭐⭐⭐

I grabbed these by mistake because I couldn't remember which Kroger brand baked beans I had previously bought and liked. Like the Original flavor, these are solid beans and I think I'd like them very well on most other occasions - flavor is good, texture is good, sauce is good.

However, in this particular setting, I'm not a huge fan. The combination with the peanut butter is a bit sickly sweet. I'll save these for next summer when I inevitably get a weird craving for a hot dog, potato chips, and beans.

Van Camp's Pork and Beans

⭐⭐

These are the classic beans of my childhood, the only baked beans my mother ever bought. If I remember the family lore correctly, they were the favorite of her truck-driver father as well, so you can imagine I had high hopes for these.

I haven't had Van Camp's in a number of years, probably not since I was a child (believe it or not, baked beans were simply not in my adult pantry until I started eating beans on toast in my 30s).

I don't know if the recipe has changed or if I've just gained a more worldly palette, but I am decidedly unimpressed. They're...ok. Very wet, lots of thin, watery sauce. Mostly sort of bland and flavorless. At least they stay hot for a minute.

"Ranch Style Beans"

⭐⭐⭐⭐

I saw these on the shelf and was intrigued. I figured "ranch style" could be any number of flavor profiles.

They were not baked beans (which I probably could have guessed) but instead a spicy-cuminy Southwest sort of bean. I include them here because this worked way better than it had any right to, peanut butter and all. Genuinely highly recommend.